Help Me auntie Auntie D.!

[Mo Molan]

I can't get a shag!

I've tried everything but noone can stand my big fat ugly body near them.

Some singer in a band called ANGELS FEEL THE CHILDREN fancies me but I'm not THAT desperate... What can I do Auntie D?

[Aunti D]

Mo Moaner, more like.

Go on a diet, Fatty. Maybe brush your teeth once in a while (with something other than urine). A new wig might help, there's only so long that people'll be sympathetic about the chemo.

I wonder how long you're hormones'll let you hold out against that bloke from The Cat Felchers, but some swift action is advisable to avoid such cruel fate.